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現實搞笑的話

語錄名言 閱讀(2.17W)

1. 世界那麼亂,裝純給誰看。

現實搞笑的話

2. 距離產生的不是美,是小三。

3. 你的話,我連標點符號都不信。

4. 男人的實力就是你兜裡的人民幣。

5. 笑只是一個表情,與快樂無關。

6. 花花世界,是我太認真。

7. 當幸福來敲門的時候,我或許不在家。

8. 早該沒心沒肺,不用現在撕心裂肺。

9. 我沒有那麼多的感慨,僅僅想有個人陪。

10. 你說你會等我回來,你是等了,還找了一個人一起等。

11. 不要對我太好,讓我分不清你是愛情還是友情。

12. 愛你,很久了!等你,也很久了!現在,我要離開你了,比很久很久還要久。

13. 女人,長得漂亮是優勢,活得漂亮是本事。

14. QQ線上率越高,證明這個人越寂寞。

15. 你沒那麼多觀眾,別那麼累。

16. 古龍說過,愛笑的女孩子,運氣不會太差。

17. 活在當下,別在懷念過去或者憧憬未來中浪費掉你現在的生活

1、昨天夢見上帝說可滿足我一個願望我拿出地球儀說要世界和平,他說太難換一個吧,我拿出你的照片說要這人變漂亮,他沉思了一下說拿地球儀我再看看。

2、一女奇醜,嫁不出去,希望被拐賣。終於夢想成真,卻半月賣不出去。綁匪將其送回,她堅決不下車,綁匪咬牙一跺腳:走,車不要了

3、20年前爸爸抱著你等車,人都笑話孩子長得難看,爸爸哭了。一賣香蕉的老大爺拍拍爸爸說:“大兄弟別哭了,拿只香蕉給猴子吃吧!真可憐,餓的都沒毛了。”

4、飛機上,一隻鸚鵡對空姐說:“給爺來杯水”,豬也學鸚鵡,對空姐說:“給爺來杯水”,空姐大怒,將鸚鵡和豬都扔下了飛機。這時鸚鵡對豬說:“傻了吧,爺會飛。”

5、有個老農在地裡鋤地,一隻烏鴉飛過,拉了泡屎掉在老農臉上,老農抬頭大罵:“靠你媽!出門也不知道穿條褲衩!”烏鴉說:“靠!你丫拉屎穿褲衩呀!”

6、話說某位女士一時興起,買了一隻母鸚鵡。沒想到帶回家裡,它說的第一句話就是:“想跟我上床嗎?”

女士一聽,心想:壞了,外人還以為這話是我教的呢, 這不把我的淑女形象全給毀了。於是她想盡辦法,想交那隻鸚鵡說些高雅的東西,可是那隻母鸚鵡算是鐵了心了,只會說一句話:“想跟我上床嗎?”

…… 怎麼辦呢?在那位女士失去主張的時候,聽說神父那兒也養了一隻鸚鵡(公的),而且那隻鸚鵡,不但不講粗話,反而是個虔誠的教徒,每天大部分時間裡都在禱告。於是那位女士去找神父求助。神父明白她的來意之後,面色微難的說:“這個,很難辦呀,其實那隻鸚鵡,也並沒有刻意的教它什麼,它之所以這麼虔誠,也可能是長期在此受薰陶的緣故吧。”

神父見女士很失落,便說道:“這樣吧,你把那隻鸚鵡帶到我這裡來,我把它們放在一起。希望經過一段時間,你那隻鸚鵡能夠被感化。我只能做這些了,有沒有效果,就看神的旨意了……”

女士一聽,也只能這樣了,不是有句話叫:近朱者赤嗎?試試吧。於是她把鸚鵡帶到神父那裡。神父依照諾言把兩隻鸚鵡放在了一起。開始母鸚鵡還有些拘謹,看那隻公鸚鵡在籠子的一角,默默的禱告,還真不忍心打擾。可是她還是管不住自己,終於朗聲說道:“想跟我上床嗎?“

公鸚鵡聽到這話,停止了禱告,轉身看了看母鸚鵡,忽然淚如雨下:“感謝上帝,我禱告這麼多年的願望終於實現了……”

7、女孩子不要這樣說

一男對一女說:“我請你吃飯。”

女說:“改日吧。”

擴充套件閱讀:

非常經典有深度的電影英文臺詞

1.一個人總要走陌生的路,看陌生的風景,聽陌生的.歌,然後在某個不經意的瞬間,你會發現,原本是費盡心機想要忘記的事情真的就那麼忘記了。

One is always on a strange road, watching strange scenery and listening to strange music. Then one day, you will find that the things you try hard to forget are already gone.

2.幸福,不是長生不老,不是大魚大肉,不是權傾朝野。幸福是每一個微小的生活願望達成。當你想吃的時候有得吃,想被愛的時候有人來愛你。

Happiness is not about being immortal nor having food or rights in one's hand. It’s about having each tiny wish come true, or having something to eat when you are hungry or having someone's love when you need love.

3.愛情是燈,友情是影子,當燈滅了,你會發現你的周圍都是影子。朋友,是在最後可以給你力量的人。

Love is a lamp, while friendship is the shadow. When the lamp is off,you will find the shadow everywhere. Friend is who can give you strength at last.

4.我愛你不是因為你是誰,而是我在你面前可以是誰。

I love you not for who you are, but for who I am before you.

5.愛情,要麼讓人成熟,要麼讓人墮落。

Love makes man grow up or sink down.

6.舉得起放得下的叫舉重,舉得起放不下的叫負重。可惜,大多數人的愛情,都是負重的。

If you can hold something up and put it down, it is called weight-lifting; if you can hold something up but can never put it down,it's called burden-bearing. Pitifully, most of people are bearing heavy burdens when they are in love.

7.我們每個人都生活在各自的過去中,人們會用一分鐘的時間去認識一個人,用一小時的時間去喜歡一個人,再用一天的時間去愛上一個人,到最後呢,卻要用一輩子的時間去忘記一個人。

We all live in the past. We take a minute to know someone, one hour to like someone, and one day to love someone, but the whole life to forget someone.

8.一個人一生可以愛上很多的人,等你獲得真正屬於你的幸福之後,你就會明白一起的傷痛其實是一種財富,它讓你學會更好地去把握和珍惜你愛的人。

One may fall in love with many people during the lifetime. When you finally get your own happiness, you will understand the previous sadness is kind of treasure, which makes you better to hold and cherish the people you love.

9.年輕的時候會想要談很多次戀愛,但是隨著年齡的增長,終於領悟到愛一個人,就算用一輩子的時間,還是會嫌不夠。慢慢地去了解這個人,體諒這個人,直到愛上為止,是需要有非常寬大的胸襟才行。

When you are young, you may want several love experiences. But as time goes on, you will realize that if you really love someone, the whole life will not be enough. You need time to know, to forgive and to love. All this needs a very big mind.

10.當明天變成了今天成為了昨天,最後成為記憶裡不再重要的某一天,我們突然發現自己在不知不覺中已被時間推著向前走,這不是靜止火車裡,與相鄰列車交錯時,彷彿自己在前進的錯覺,而是我們真實的在成長,在這件事裡成了另一個自己。

When tomorrow turns in today, yesterday, and someday that no more important in your memory, we suddenly realize that we are pushed forward by time. This is not a train in still in which you may feel forward when another train goes by. It is the truth that we've all grown up. And we become different.

11.離開我就別安慰我,要知道每一次縫補也會遭遇穿刺的痛。

If you leave me, please don't comfort me because each sewing has to meet stinging pain.

12.曾經擁有的,不要忘記。不能得到的,更要珍惜。屬於自己的,不要放棄。已經失去的,留作回憶。

Don’t forget the things you once you owned. Treasure the things youcan’t get. Don't give up the things that belong to you and keep those lost things in memory.

13.我喜歡並習慣了對變化的東西保持著距離,這樣才會知道什麼是最不會被時間拋棄的準則。比如愛一個人,充滿變數,我於是後退一步,靜靜的看著,直到看見真誠的感情。

I love and am used to keeping a distance with those changed in this way can I know what will not be abandoned by time. For example, when you love someone, changes are all around. Then I step backward and watching it silently, then I see the true feelings.

14.男人的愛是俯視而生,而女人的愛是仰視而生。如果愛情像座山,那麼男人越往上走可以俯視的女人就越多,而女人越往上走可以仰視的男人就越少。

Men love from overlooking while women love from looking up. If love is a mountain, then if men go up, more women they will see while women will see fewer men.

15.好的愛情是你通過一個人看到整個世界,壞的愛情是你為了一個人捨棄世界。

Good love makes you see the whole world from one person while bad love makes you abandon the whole world for one person.

16.在自己面前,應該一直留有一個地方,獨自留在那裡。然後去愛。不知道是什麼,不知道是誰,不知道如何去愛,也不知道可以愛多久。只是等待一次愛情,也許永遠都沒有人。可是,這種等待,就是愛情本身。

We shall always save a place for ourselves, only for ourselves. And then begin to love. Have no idea of what it is, who he is, how to love or how long it will be. Just wait for one love. Maybe no one will come out, but this kind of waiting is the love itself.

17.有誰不曾為那暗戀而痛苦?我們總以為那份痴情很重,很重,是世上最重的重量。有一天,暮然回首,我們才發現,它一直都是很輕,很輕的。我們以為愛的很深,很深,來日歲月,會讓你知道,它不過很淺,很淺。最深和最重的愛,必須和時日一起成長。

Is there anyone who hasn't suffered for the secret love? We always think that love is very heavy, heavy and could be the heaviest thing in the world. But one day, when you look back, you suddenly realize that it's always light, light. We all thought love was very deep, but in fact it's very thin. The deepest and heaviest love must grow up withthe time.

18.在這個世界上,只有真正快樂的男人,才能帶給女人真正的快樂。

In this world, only those men who really feel happy can give women happiness

19.女人如果不性感,就要感性;如果沒有感性,就要理性;如果沒有理性,就要有自知之明;如果連這個都沒有了,她只有不幸。

If a woman is not sexy, she needs emotion; if she is not emotional, she needs reason; if she is not reasonable, she has to know herself clearly. coz only she has is misfortune.

20.一段不被接受的愛情,需要的不是傷心,而是時間,一段可以用來遺忘的時間。一顆被深深傷了的心,需要的不是同情,而是理解。

An unacceptable love needs no sorrow but time- sometime for forgetting.A badly-hurt heart needs no sympathy but understanding.