雅思寫作是最難以把握的，因為沒有絕對的正確答案。烤鴨們經常練習完後不知道自己哪有不對，過就過了，大量的題海戰術，各種模板生搬硬套，然而問題還是在那裡，並沒有得到解決，作文水平也就難以提高!以下是yjbys網小編整理的關於雅思作文修改範例，供大家備考。
題目：
The cheap air flight gives people more choices of traveling, while the problems caused by this transportation should also be considered.
Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Along with the advances of society, an accumulating number of controversies have been bought to our attention, one of which is the cheap air flight.(開頭段太套了，最多不會超過5.5分). Quite a few people view that the inexpensive flight enhances the choices(改為efficiency and convenience更具體) of traveling. Nevertheless towards the same issue, many others point out that we are supposed to take the problems caused by this way(改稱its problems更簡潔) into consideration. (Both sides of the arguments have very strong feelings and reasons.)這句話可以不寫，太呆板了，建議你看幾篇考官範文的開頭段，找找感覺。
改版後開頭段：
The advances of society give rise to an accumulating number of controversies, one of which the cheap air flight. Conflicting with the problems it has caused, quite a few people view that the inexpensive flight enhance efficiency and convenience of traveling.
There are several reasons which(囉嗦刪掉) suggest that the cheap air flight is of great value for visitors traveling. To start with, it could exert conductive impact on economic thrift(加of an individual具體一些). That is to say, the prices of airplane tickets could be affordable for an increasing number of tourists who may have a spot of budget. (In this respect, the public must be in great favor of such a vehicle.) In addition, it enables passengers to save much time on transport. When they are confronted with the emergent situations, the cheap flight will be given to the top priority, because of the high efficiency.
分析：
用詞還可以，寫作內容基本清晰，但是明顯感覺到刻意使用一些連線手段，顯得有點刻板。
簡單修改一下：
Advocates of this believe that both the common price and the traveling efficiency should not be ignored. Firstly, the price of an airplane ticket could be affordable for an increasing number of tourists who may have a spot of budget. In this respect, the public must be in great favor of such a vehicle. In addition, a flight enables passengers to save much time on transport. Especially when they are confronted with the emergent situations, the cheap flight will be given to the top priority, because of the high efficiency with low cost.
下面這段給你自己留著，你看看會不會根據我們之前的修改例子對語言進行簡化、名詞化或者具體化。
Some other, nonetheless, hold the opposite opinion, strongly believing that we should attach more emphasis on the issues caused by inexpensive flight. First of all, it pose a considerable threat to the environment. Hardy can any one deny that, these huge planes use a sizable proportion of fuel and greatly give rise to global warming and air pollution. Besides a majority of accidents have adverse influence on visitors safety. Not only could it be detrimental to people’s well-being, but also it could not satisfy the demands of passengers.
There is probably some element of truth in both arguments. As far as I am concerned, the cheap air flight is indispensable to the visitors, but it is rational for people to pay more attention to the problems caused by this transportation for the simple reason that it damage the environment. What’s more, it pose a potential threat to people security. (改成environmental damaging as well as potential threat to people’s security名詞化簡潔 )
希望以上資訊能對烤鴨們的寫作有所助益。另外建議懵懂的`烤鴨們多研讀考官滿分範文，提高自己用詞和用句的膽量。其實很多表達都是你會但是不敢寫的。很多你們寫作中的疑問都會在考官範文中得到更權威的回答。
