Saturday, May 4, 2002 cloudy
Li Ming and I took part in a wilderness survival program yesterday, and it has been one of the most unforgettable experiences since high school.
The two of us were to reach the campsite by the evening. We set out early in the morning, eager to face the adventure. I was carring a camp and a compass in my bag, while Li Ming loaded his with some bread, matches, candles, a map, a knife, afirst-aid kit, a flashlight, and some clothes. We followed the marked route until we reached a brook.. We had to swim across it, floating our supplies on a piece of wood in order to keep them dry. What’s worse, we lost sight of the signs on the other side of the brook! Thanks to the campass, we finally arrived at the campsite on time, and managed to make the camp and afire.
The two of us spent the night in the forest.
We learned to use knowledge gained in clASSroom training to solve problems. It was quite an experience for us both, which I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.
一、得分：24
點評：這是一份優秀作文，體現在如下幾個方面;
1、文筆流暢，顯示了作者紮實的基本功。當你讀這篇小文時，你會覺得很舒服，不會產生厭倦的感覺;
2、要點齊全，能將提示中的各項要求很好地安排到作者寫的`小文中，而且還不流俗。一般同學在敘及所攜帶的物品時，貫用we took a lot of things such as…或He and I took…的方式。此文作者不然，他用了I was carrying a camp and a compass in my bag, while Li Ming loaded his with some bread …這個一個並列句，令人耳目一新：
3、上下文銜接比較自然，這種自然表現在兩個方面;一方面是作者寫的內容間的銜接，另一方面是作者寫的內容與原日記已給出部分的銜接。與上文的銜接，作者用了一個be to do…的形式，The two of us were to reach the compsite by the evening. we set out early in the morning, eager to face the advenfure.與下文的銜接時，又用了這樣一句and managed to make the camp and a fire, 短文之間的銜接隨處可見。比如作者寫道，We followed the marked route until we reached a brook. We had to swim a cross it …, … we lost sight of the signs on the other side of the brook! Thanks to the compass, we ….
4、短文能很好體現作者駕馭語言的能力，比如前邊提到的be to do …句形，What’s more作為過渡句的處理，Thanks to…的出現等;
